Alley thoughts

What constitutes a belief?  I used to believe that your beliefs where simply the idealogical thoughts you held to be true.  It strikes me now as odd to separate beliefs from actions thus.  For in my former system of thought actions could be seperated from belief. 

 

The person who held that lying was wrong, for example, could still lie.  This seems rather rediculous.  To say that you could believe that lying is wrong and still lie.  The actions you perpetrate show your beliefs.  The good ones and the bad ones.

 

Now you might say, 'well what of those individuals who's actions constantly contradict previous actions.  Are their beliefs contradictory?'  I would say that these people do not know what they believe and therefore do not show their beliefs in their actions, for that have none.

 

Given this as a framework for belief, how does that impact my conception of my beliefs? 

I wrote this while enjoying the lovely thetis island.  I wanted to remember what it was like there for the times I get stressed back in victoria.

 

Used up and tired

Yet so full.

Full of joy

Full of the spice of life

Full of hope

Full of expectation.

 

Exhausted.

I pause.

 

Wondering how it is that,

The more of yourself

You give away,

The more of yourself

You find.

lyrically, I love this song.  its by derek webb and we sang this past sunday at church.  thanks ryan and cindy!

 

I Want a Broken Heart

by Derek Webb

 

i’ve got faith in the bank and money in my heart
i’ve got a calloused place where your ring used to be, my love

i’ve traded naked and unashamed
for a better place to hide
for a righteous mask, a suit of fig leaves and lies

i thought the cattle on a thousand hills
was not enough to pay my bills
and i fell in love with those who proved me wrong
and now i want a broken heart

now there’s a great pad lock
on the place where i was free
and i’m feeling bad from swallowing that key
now i work real hard but i mostly call in sick
of a broken back from the ground fighting back at me

i cannot look you in the eye
so i check the knots on my disguise
‘cause i fell in love with fashion in the dark
and now i want a broken heart

i’ve got alibis for every crime
a substitute to do my time
‘cause Your heart breaks enough on both our parts
so now i want a broken heart
now i want a broken heart
now i want a broken heart 

Farwell brave friend,

so speedy and so green.

We travelled so often,

amoungst the mountains and trees.

 

Your shiny crome bumpers,

and your sporty vent things.

How I wish you had not

come to such an end.

 

The early morning light,

Attracted all those flies.

Which promptly stuck,

To your frontside.

 

They clogged up your insides,

and broke your fan.

Why couldn't I have noticed,

before you went and died.

 

I should have paid more heed,

when the gauge began to rise.

But who could have known,

you'd blow a head gasket.

 

You'd outside of Mill Bay,

Near a road called Margerine.

I had to get you towed,

It took most the night.

 

You couldn't be fixed,

for less than a modest sum.

So now your scrap somewhere,

Sold for next to none.

 

I hope you still cared for,

Your panels used anew.

Know that you're remembered,

Fondly by a few.

 

-B

Well actually it has nothing really to do with double negatives and more to do with how much pleasure can be derived from a simple slowing down of things from that which is hectic to a more natural pace.  It gives oneself time to sit back and reflect, to take notice his surroundings and enjoy them, to invest in friendships. 

 

For instance, I have just finished reading Frankenstein.  Those of you who have not read it will be at least familiar with the story line.  Those of you who have read it will be able to recognize the more subtle mechanizations behind the story. 

 

Today in church the minister gave a message on the lament of the the loss of the pursuit of wisdom.  I think I agree with him.  He defined wisdom as the application of truth.  We value the pursuit of knowledge so highly but without wisdom it is scary to think how that knowledge will be used. 

 

Take the story of Frankenstein as an example and the second time in the day the same thoughts or theme have surfaced to my mind.  His pursuit of science, of knowledge is relentless.  His passion for study is only matched by the zeal of his application of it with no thought as to if what he is doing is right,  if what he is pursuing is worthy of it.  In the end he creates the nameless monster.  The embodiment of fear and loathing, of insecurities and lonliness.  In essence the disregard of wisdom in the application of his knowledge result in the ultamate calamity upon his life.   All of his loved ones were destroyed and his own life consumed by the hatred of his creation. 

 

Yet in the midst of misery, in the midst of his loathing he finds eloquence.  He finds words to stir and to embolden others.  He loves, and gives thoughts to ideas bigger than himself.  He realizes wisdom too late.  My hope is that our fates will take a different road.

So refreshed.  What an amazing difference friends make.  To be able to just simply be with people who know you, the real you, with all your wrinkles.  Simply put it is the most relaxing, most amazing thing in the world I do think.  To not have to think about whether what you're doing is right or wrong, or what your saying will offend, or whether your ideas will be accepted is truly wonderful.  To have that trust to know that you can be the stripped-down-bare-bones-no-strings-attached-you.  To see people who know how to make you smile, who know how to make you laugh, who can tell what your thinking by the wrinkle on your forehead.  Such people are few and far between and I relish the times I have with them.  It is like a fresh breeze.  

 

So it is to the breath before the plunge.  The leap before being immersed in the icy business of my life of late.  Hopefully time will see me on the other side with sun shining, flinging droplets of shining water my hair like so many cheesy movies. (It has to be in slow motion you realise)  We shall see what it will bring, for now I remain content with what is. 

 

If life was ever such a journey for me then it is a journey of choices to be sure and each individual thought culminating in action represents a move towards some far off unseen destination.  Lately I have been examing these thoughts and wondering where they are taking me.  It is a torrent, a rushing rapid of white water that streams ever onward.  It is impossible to stop the flow, only change its course little by little with the things you put around it.  The ideas you surround yourself with determining the course.  The above is the basis that I have assumed for as to how the surroundings influence my mind and effect the steps I can take to begin to shape what passes through my mind.  For not every thought is worth having, in fact most aren't. 

Ok,  so here I was studying away and I got to thinking.  If pigs had wings would they fly.  I mean birds have had wings for a long time.  But say a pig just suddenly got wings.... all of a sudden with no warning.  That poor little piggy wouldn't have the first clue about what to do with those old wings.  He'd just drag them along, wondering why his back was heavier all of a sudden.  The cold frog warmer frog thing.  Or not at all.  Point is, Pigs could have wings but the sure wouldn't fly.